Its April again, folks...and you guessed it, we hacked the blog and it ours! Really wasn't hard this year given the girls' love of Spongebob Squarepants..easy password! So we're here for the next few week to talk about Autism, our lives, the girls' happenings, and all things Seifert. I'll wanr you now...this month's entries may be filled with joy, anger, laughter, sadness, triumphs, and set backs. In this house we often have all of the above in a 24 hr span. We invite you to laugh with us, cry with us, and expiernece with us for the next month...uncenscored life at its finest!

As April begins Mike and I are hit with a mixture of excitement and sadness. We're terribly excited about all of our April birthdays...Mike will be 50 on the 4th, Safi will be 5 on the 9th, and Nixi will be 3 on the 23rd. We're pumped up for World Autism Awareness Day April 2nd when we get an opportunity to light our house up blue in support of the autism community and awareness. At the same time, its a reminder that we ARE the autism community. We're part of an exlcusive club for which we did not sign up. We were all drafted into this life. None of us are heros. Our daughters arent heros because they have autism...they are just trying to survive. What choice do they have other than to press on? Mike and I arent heros for loving our children...who doesn't love their children? We're all just trying to make it...day by day, sometimes minute to minute. So, we enter this month a true mixed bag.

A week ago I registered Safi for the AYSO VIP League. Soccer for special needs. Mike and I were SO excited! Autism or not, we're parents and signing your kid up for their first team endeavor is exciting!! Mike got home from work and I gleefully grabbed our registration form and made tracks up to the gym hosting registration. I walked into the conference room and immediately sensed that I was in the land of NT's..or, neuro typicals. Clearly, I had expected this...but I suppose I hadn't prepared myself for how that would feel. It felt awkward. I immediately wanted to slap down my fee and get the heck out of there. I was joyfully asked if I had a new player. What a wonderful opportunity for the association and the parents that love it to share their passion with a new recruit! I said yes and quickly filled out my paperwork. I glanced over at the registration table...3 moms and 1 dad taking forms. I could overhear thenm talking all thing soccer. Everyone was excited for this day! I headed up to the table and turned in my form. As the woman prepared to ask me for my check I saw her putting my registration form in a huge pile that my gut told me was not our pile. I told the woman that we were registering for the VIP League....the table went silent. Then, the questions. Seems only one parent running registration was familiar with it. So, all of the others had to start asking her questions...as I stand, check in hand, wanting to either scream or run. "How do they play?" "What do you mean its ages 4-19?" "I don't get it." "Aw, that's so cute." "What if they don't have enough kids to play each other?...Well, then they ask teams when their done playing if they wouldn't mind playing---silence--" I say, "special needs?" "Oh, no, I meant soccer." Yeah, ok. It went on, this conversation about my kid and others, for a few minutes. I give them my check and turn to leave when I see a young woman...I just KNOW she is of my people. The woman who took my check tells me "That's your coach." I meet Danielle and her younger sister..coach and assistant coach. They are young, vibrant, enthusiastic, knowledgeable, and delighted that I'm there. I take a minute to tell her how horrible registration was without her there and she apologizes and assures me she'll be there to greet any other parents. I leave feeling so wonderful about meeting two new people that will really care about my kid and work their tails off to help her succeed...and I leave there holding back tears of anger, sadness, I'm just plain hurt. I get home and Mike looks at me with that wide eyed, "how amazing was it?" look. All I can muster is, "I'm really mad and I have to go on the patio." The moment the sliding glass door closes behind me I crumble. Tears for so many reasons. Anger that my "first" was tarnished. Anger and sadness that people can be so ignorant. Fear from the realization that, indeed, that was my "first"...,my first real experience in the legitimate NT world for which my eldest daughter will be submerged into 100% come next fall. This was the first of the rest of our lives..explaining to people, feeling the need to justify our presence in their activity/world, suppressing anger at stupidity, pretending not to be offended so as not to look overly sensitive.

It was a real eye opener. Yes, we participate in the NT world on a daily basis. We go shopping, go to parks, restaurants, etc. on a daily basis. Turns out, we've also been exceptionally sheltered for the past 4 years. While we frequent NT places, the majority of our social and emotional life has been lived behind the walls of Early Intervention, therapy buildings, and special services school. We knew it was going to be different when Safi is mainstreamed next year...but knowing on an intellectual level and knowing on a cellular, visceral level are two entirely different things. This is reality, baby, and its NOT what we had prepared for. It certainly wont change the choices we make for the girls or the opportunities we present them with. All research shows that kids on the spectrum who self-report a high quality of life as teens and young adults have one thing in common, involvement in extra curricular activities. A few reasons for this is that these activities allow kids a chance to experience Independence that is not possible at home (you know parents, we're such lurkers), hang out with friends outside of school (an experience that they may not have outside of organized activities), and to be able to own their accomplishments fully (accomplishments made independent of mom and dad are the sweetest, for ANY kid). So, we'll press on. However, it was a reminder for Mike and myself that we're really going to have to work hard and check our emotions at the car. If we are in a situation where adult are being ignorant, the girls wont know it unless we let them know it. So, we're going to have to eat a lot of crow to ensure that the girls have the best experiences that they can have. They never need to know that some parent was an idiot. We will not ruin they're excitement and courageousness in the face of new things. Don't get me wrong, we will NEVER not advocate and protect our kids. We'll just need to pick our battles very wisely. Its not going to be easy for Mike and me...we like to think of ourselves as the Autism Militia, take no prisoners and no child left behind. If our kids can muster up the courage to try new things, we can make the best effort that we can to control our mouths and minds. Enter new mantra..."Educate, don't annihilate...unless they really have it coming..then nuke 'em!"..hummmmmmmmmmmm hummmmmmmmmm.

The girls had a pretty good week. Nixi had an Easter egg hunt up at Bright Start. They let Safi participate, which was nice. They both tore around the patio area and got their 5 eggs in record time. Unfortunately, they ended class with the hunt so they didn't do bubbles or the good bye song. We paid for this deviation for the rest of the day. Nixi was excited about all the fun but really needed the ritual to feel ok. We managed to push on and by the next day she was ok. Safi got to do lots of fun Easter stuff at school, making an Easter basket and doing an egg hunt. She just loves teacher Mel, teacher Joanne and all of her friends. On the last day she cried when she had to leave because she knows she's off for the next week for spring break. How wonderful that she loves school so much. Safi's teachers also put together an Easter basket for Nixi. They always make sure that Nixi is included and it makes her feel really special. We are lucky to have people in our lives that not only care about our kids, but also understand how significantly it can affect our home when one kid is left out.

We had a big weekend. To space out the birthday goodies we're doing a birthday month, of sorts, much like we do Christmas. So, Saturday Mike put up the girls' new loft bed..complete with slide, of course! We ordered curtains for it so the underneath where Nixi sleeps looks like a little playhouse. Safi has a Spongebob tent that we rigged. They just love it. Both of them slept in their respective spaces all night! Nixi woke up a few times, but nothing out of the ordinary so we were pleasantly surprised. We were prepared for them to say they were "all done new bed" once bedtime arrived. In the past, regardless of how much they loved something, the change would have been too much. They've come a long way and we're so proud. So, we've started the month on a high and for that I am grateful.

On a sad note, Mike's beloved Aunt Harriet passed. Wish so desperately that we could travel and be there to celebrate her life and mourn her passing. We're just not there yet. So, we'll be there in spirit and I know Aunt Harriet would understand.

I would like to take a minute to wish Mike a happy 50th birthday. I know you feel old, I know you feel tired, and I know you wonder how you'll be able to handle all of us in the years to come. My husband, you'll do it as you have been..hiding all of the afor mentioned and working your tail off to make dreams come true. We appreciate you more than we could ever tell you and we promise to try our very best to carry you through another 50 yrs because you are the magic in the family. We love you very much.

Until next week...turn on those blue light bulbs, cut a giant puzzle piece out of poster board and stick it in your window, talk to anyone who wants to about the persons you love affected by autism, and have a great week!

Sarah