Another great week!  We're heading into the holidays on a really great note.  It's exciting and simultaneously disturbing.  Waiting for that other shoe to drop.

Nixi remains quite psychotic.  So, stay with me here, I decreased her Risperdal from 1.50mg to 1.25mg.  These aren't tic tacs and no one saw any change with the increase.  She said she felt better at 1.25mg, so 1.25mg she shall have.  She continues to hallucinate daily.  The "people" in her head are always there and this week I learned of the "creepy creatures".  They are different than the people, they sound different, and they are discretely mean and macabre.  Apparently they are not new on the scene, she just never mentioned them before this week.  Her and I were playing our balloon dance party game where we bat a balloon back and forth while dancing to music when she suddenly exclaimed, "Mom, I'm scared.  The creepy creatures in my brain said they're going to eat the world and all the houses."  We talked about it for a minute, "Well, Nix, they say a lot of things and they never happen, right"..."I guess so, mom", then continued our game.  I'm working with Nixi on doing her own reality testing.  When the people say something, or the creepy creatures, we talk about what they've said and whether what they say is likely to occur.  We also talk about her visual hallucinations and that, while scary, they have never been able to actually touch or harm any of us yet.  I say "yet" because she has had tactile hallucinations, or hallucinations that involve physical sensation, but they have yet to be harmful.  She's been doing pretty well with the reality testing so I told her this week that neither her sister nor I would be accompanying her into any rooms in the house, as she generally requires an escort.  We talked about the fact that her illness is lifelong and that she needs to learn to coexist with it so that she can be independent and do and be anything and everything she wants to be.  She is scared but either Safi or I remind her as she runs as fast as her little feet wil carry her down the hall that "nothing happens."  Mid week, the same day as the creepy creature incident, she was demanding that someone go with her into the guest bedroom to get some ponies.  When I reminded her that no one would be going with her and that nothing happens she cried, "Yes it does.  I'm going to explode.  You want to destroy me and fire me with fire!"  I hugged her and assured her that I did not.  She whimpered back, "You want to cook me and eat me."  I told her I did not, she wouldn't taste very good, and I'd miss her if she was gone.  She ran and got the ponies, proudly shrieking, "I got 'em myself, mom!"  And that's what needs to happen.  Nixi needs to experience these small victories over her brain in order to maintain clarity and insight into her illness, as well as just live a full and complete life.  So, we will continue to work on this.  I'm also working on encouraging her to tell other people when she is frightened.  She continues to tell only me, always after the fact, when something at school or dad's house scares her.  I tell her that I cannot help her after the fact and that she must trust the adults there in the moment to keep her safe and help her work through her fears, but it remains unchanged.  After the new year we will head up to Davis.  I have a radical option I'd like to discuss with her psychiatrist.  More on that at a later date.  But we DID manage to make S'mores over in the fireplace one day before school...

Safi had a wonderful week.  School was great, good times at the park, and she is extremely excited about the upcoming school Christmas show and the girls' holiday dance recital.  Last year she struggled during the school Christmas production because of the giant speakers they have blaring music for the kids to sing to.  So, this year she's been practicing in class with her friends with cute penguin ear muffs on.  For the actual show this Tuesday night I will transform our real sound canceling headphones into "ear muffs" so she can enjoy being in the show.  This weekend the girls have dress rehearsal for their dance class Christmas show.  They'll be performing in a real theater and Safi is very excited...Nixi, nervous.  Dad will be taking them to dress rehearsal so I'm hoping the novelty of that will distract from the nerves and add to the joy.

The girls had a blast helping Zoey celebrate her birthday early with a princess party this weekend.  This is the month of special birthdays.  The girls called and wished their Aunt Cory a happy birthday which all parties involved got a kick out of.  Tuesday is Emily's birthday...I've got some surprises up my sleeve for that one because she's just too damn special to not be celebrated like a queen.  And Nana Cummings has a birthday coming up on Friday.  All of these December babies in our life.  Our family...by blood and by heart.  Adds so much fun to an already festive season!

Looking forward to what is sure to be a winter whirlwind of routine breakers, engagements on school nights that kill our schedule, and hopefully a ton of fun and delight along with the given meltdowns and struggles.

Sarah
P.S.  Spell check on Blogger had some weird error so if u catch any typos, keep 'em to yourself!  :)

Christmakkuh Day 2.....