Safi had a dicey week at school. Her teacher is trying something new this year. A reward system where children can earn fuzzy balls for following directions, being respectful, working quietly, doing their best, and trade them in on Fridays for silly coupons. It is the most subjective, arbitrary system I have ever seen. Nonetheless, last week Safi earned enough fuzzies for two coupons. She picked "silly slippers" and "furry friend", so she was allowed to wear slippers in class one day and bring a small stuffed toy to sit on her desk for a day. Safi chose to do both on Monday. I pick her up and she runs to me and asks if she can wear silly slippers and bring her little unicorn another day during the week. I say no, the coupon is for only one day. Then, her teacher tells me that Safi was bummed because she was the only student who did her silly coupons that day and so she told her she could do it again on another day during the week. NOOOOO!!!!
That kind gesture, and also self serving because it obviously got her out of dealing with a meltdown from Safi, changed the rules. Not only did it make the system confusing to Safi, but it ran the risk of other kids resenting her because she got to do it twice. So, I told the teacher absolutely not, called Safi over, and reiterated that coupons can only be used ONCE. After Safi walked away I told the teacher that avoiding, say, a level 4 meltdown today sets her up to deal with a level 15 meltdown in the future when she wants the rules to bend again and you say no.
Now, when I pick the kids up from school I alwasy ask them what they're favorite part of the day. Logan sasses me with a smart aleck reply but eventually gives in and tells me. All this week Safi was saying recess. That's weird. Very weird. She NEVER says recess because she loves math, reading, etc. Major red flag.
Mid week Safi was having several small crying jags during class because she wasn't being called on first. Teacher; "That's real typical of kids this age having a hard time taking turns and waiting their turns." Me: Tell me more about this fuzzy deal because its all she cares about and she's working as hard as possible to get them. So, I don't think its trouble waiting turns...as that's never been a problem for Safi. She's trying to earn those fuzzies" Teacher gives me a small breakdown but not very detailed and the kids are restless. We leave it at that but I know in my soul that the fuzzy are effectively killing Safi's joy of learning. She can't relax because she needs to earn them. Its all she can think about. So much so that her only respite is the chaotic recess of hundreds of screaming kids. The ship is sinking.
Friday Safi runs up to me, chipper and joyful....but her eyes are swollen and red. I immediately know she's been crying and crying HARD. Teacher tells me that Safi only had enough fuzzies for one coupon this week and that "she became really defiant and I had to become quite firm with her. It lasted a good 10 minutes." So, I ask her to specifically tell me what kids need to do to earn fuzzies. I am horrified when I get the answer.
Completely abstract concepts and worse yet, the fuzzies are doled out totally subjectively and arbitrarily.
I told her as much and that this would be the bane of SAfi's existence for the whole year if we could not find a way to operationalize these concepts and give SAfi concrete ways of earning fuzzies. See a theme here, Autism=Concrete. I can say it over and over again but it never seems to sink in. So, I asked that we take care of this before Monday and texted back and forth with her over the weekend. This is the system she has come up with.....
Fine. Dandy. Swell. I wrote it up and have shown it to Safi, she gets it, okay. Safi will earn fuzzies for tasks completed. But here's the real kicker. Teacher tells me she's doing this only for SAfi (okay, cool, because wasn't that who we're talking about?!) because the fuzzies are not for task but rather are for behavior and class management. Then she goes on to say "And Safi has no problem there, she does what she supposed to and does not have those problems." Awesome. THEN WHY DIDN'T SHE HAVE ENOUGH FUZZIES FOR TWO COUPONS ON FRIDAY?!?!? Because its subjective, arbitrary as hell, and just plain ineffective. Unfortunately, third week in to school and I had to throw the bitch swith on and try to explain to Teacher that this system is INSANE. Luckily, my cheek hing up on her and by the time we got back on the phone she forgot where we left off and I just went straight to discussing the days of the week.
Fingers, eyes, toes crossed that this helps because Safi had to massive meltdowns over the weekend. Old school, 3 year old Safi meltdowns. During the end of the last one I asked her if school was hard or easy. "Hard" Because of math, kids, reading? "Fuzzies". Hey fuzzies, I hate you.
Nixi had a decent week. She's doing great at school, a mess after. Her medication makes her body tell her she's hungry all the time so she has numerous mini meltdowns daily over not being able to eat. Its getting worse, harder and harder to distract her and keep her distracted before she begs for food, in tears. I'm monitoring her intake, timing how long in between snacks...but I noticed the other day that her cheeks are slightly fuller. She's gaining some weight. Her psychiatrist is going to send out a lab slip so we can do a metabolic panel and glucose test. She is as stable as she is going to be for now. She remains psychotic, hearing voices, at times delusional, seeing things, strange thoughts...but she is coping better than before and her thinking is less disorganized. That's the best we can do at this point.
Spent the weekend with Emily and the kids, adding Amanda and Sophia into the mix on Sunday. Barring a massive meltdown by both girls at Emily's house on Saturday and a few mini melts from Nixi at the park today...we had a really full and fun weekend. The girls suckered Mike into taking them to Apple Annie's (horrid food) on Friday night and they were pleased as can be. So, we'll see what this week brings and just keep truckin' on.
Sarah
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