The first day went off without a hitch...with the exception of the difficulty of mid day preschool. The wait just kills her. So I need to provide 4 hrs of straight engagement and stimulation to keep her in the right state of mind to even get there...but get there she did. On the ride home she was very disorganized and confused, but happy. Second day much the same as the first. Third day, she woke up a psychotic mess. She was just absolutely off her rocker psychotic. It was a rough start to Safi's day, but its our reality and we moved on. Both girls had good days and Nixi returned to me every bit as psychotic as she left me. The rest of Wednesday was just a whir of hallucinations, delusions, crying, happy, screaming, confused, delighted, a roller coaster. Then Thursday...right as rain. As stable as she's ever been since this illness took hold and refused to let go.
Safi is still doing wonderfully in school and she loving every minute of it. At home she tries so hard to appease and entertain her sister. She tries everything possible to make Nixi's world right, even to the point of scolding me if she believes that I am making Nixi's world wrong. Delightful and sweet, but clearly consequence worthy. And she takes consequences like a champ. She's trying new foods, enjoys asking Logan what he did in school when we drive to the park every day after school. And she even told me the other night, when offered a bite of my meal, "No, but thank you. When I'm am adult I'll eat that, okay?" Its mind blowing how well she is doing on the low dose of Zoloft. I also ran into a mom of one of Safi's classmates from last year who said her daughter was sad because she wasn't in class with Safi this year "because Safi is so smart and fun." That's the impression of a neurotypical kid BEFORE Safi was even on the Zoloft. Made my heart burst a seam! Its also mind blowing to be suddenly raising a sort of neurotypical kid. She is much bolder, much sassier, much more independent and down right jerky. She truly is my kid!! While it can be shocking, and at times annoying, its so unbelievably cool that I cannot put it into words.
The circus was amazing!
The girls did wonderfully. All of the kids did wonderfully...it was Africa hot, they wined a little, sweated a ton, but no meltdowns from anyone and everyone left with huge smiles! Nixi had what I like to call a mental health moment in the portable loo. The flies creeped her out and then there was a tiny spider. She proceeded to begin shaking and climbed up my body like a koala bear. I whacked the spider but by then every piece of dirt was a bug and she needed to leave without going potty. Had to put a diaper on her because her meds make it difficult for her regulate her body temperature and it was HOT in that tent. We were pumping water into her as her face turned fuchsia. She was heartbroken for a minute, saying "But I'm a big girl." Emily quickly assured her that she was still a big girl and that was good enough for her. Amanda took charge of hydrating and distracting her when need be. But on a whole, other than the bathroom incident, she did wonderfully. Safi was absolutely mesmerized, as the video will show....happy feet, flappy as hell, mouth wide open. It was beautiful. We all enjoyed the show and when it was time to go, and an hour and a half past her normal med time because I didn't want her sleepy during the show, it was game on. As I waved goodbye to Amanda and Sophia and hugged Emily I yelled in my best American Crown Circus ringmaster voice, "Ella es psicotica!"....or, she is psychotic! And boy was she ever. It was kind of a happy psychosis...the ripples before the great white emerges. Within 5 minutes of being home the great white showed its teeth...literally. She bit her sister and went into a hysterical "I want my mommy, I miss my mommy" jag, even though she was curled up into a ball in my lap. She needed to go into another room with me to calm down but after about 25 minutes she was ready to feed her guinea pigs and rats and read a story before bed. 25 minutes of hell for nearly 3 hours out the house fun....totally, completely worth it. And when she woke up this morning happy as a lark and excited as hell to tell her school friends about going to the circus...confirmation. She knew her limits today, saying she wanted to go home right after dropping Safi off at school instead of hanging for a bit for our regular chat time with Amanda. She had a good day at school...and its been touch and go since. There is a new delusion brewing that I'll talk about next blog. For tonight I want to leave things on a great note.
Sarah
*Side note: We lost all power for the most part county side due to a substation catching fire last night so the blog had to wait....again! Spent the night spraying my sleeping Nix with a water bottle to keep her cool due to her meds making it difficult for her to regulate her body temperature. Luckily, by a quarter to two power was restored, spray bottle put away, and the girls none the wiser!
Circus extravaganza!!
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