Ok, so it was an interesting week. As you can tell by our swimsuit shots, its still HOT...and its the middle of October! We had some fun, a lot of drama, and a lot of tears this week.

Heather, my BIA, progressed the "fading" this week in my school...so she was still there, but she asked the staff to be my direct supports. That went, well, weird. I went through the motions and by snack time I checked out and stayed out. At the very end when they do bubbles, mom was watching through some goofy 2-way mirror and noticed by spatial awareness was gone. I ran up, and into, the lady blowing the bubbles and was very "hands on"...a sign that I'm overstimulated and disorganized. Got home and mom was actually surprised that I seemed to be ok. As the day went on I went downhill. It seemed like every half an hour I was feeling a million times worse. I just wanted to be squeezed constantly and I was really disoriented and confused. After we took Safi to school and were driving back home, I started screaming for her and didn't seem to remember that we'd just dropped her off. When mom finally got me down for my nap...sort of, a lot of screaming going on, she went on line and rush ordered a deep pressure pea pod because she was so horrified by how badly I fell apart (http://store.schoolspecialty.com/OA_HTML/ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?item=93671&minisite=10206). Unfortunately, this is just the way its got to be 'cuz I need to start getting ready to go to big kid school next year. See, I can't hide from the world...even if its not "my" world. Much as I'd like to, mom and dad wont let me because if they did I'd never get to really live. So, we work on building up my tolerance and simultaneously try to find things that I can do that will negate the negative parts that are sure to be there...to one extent or another. The hope is that eventually the negative aspects of the world will lessen and my coping bag of tricks will expand. Tough work, but I think I can do it...trick is not to shut down completely. If that were to begin to occur, mom and dad would just say I'm not ready YET and we stop and try again later. I don't know if I'm ready for all of this yet. We shall see.

Safi had some great days at school...and then the pumpkin patch field trip debacle. Oy ve! Totally unorganized, much like the fair, and we all felt it. Mom, dad, Heather and Safi's classmate Kameron's mom did their best to try and give us some structure so we could enjoy ourselves, but it was rough. We managed to have fun loading a wheel barrel full of pumpkins..that's about all the fun we had. Safi was anxious because of the loosey-goosey nature so she had to impose structure on the rest of us. I just started screaming, and Kameron just wanted to "walk" and "go". Mom's gonna talk to teacher Mel about it, but who knows. Its definitely giving mom pause when it comes to me going to Lincoln next year and having Mel as my teacher. Safi's doing her best to be flexible..and she's actually doing a great job, even if its causing her a ton of anxiety. Hopefully teacher Mel will understand and work on making the next field trip a little more thought out so we can all relax and enjoy it!

I had my 2 year check up at the doctor...a half a year late! Better late than never. I was scared and Safi cheered me on and comforted me through it all. I got a shot, a sticker and a sugar-free lollipop at the end...and a big sister who really loves me. Could have been worse.

With that, I'm gonna go because I'm still not feeling 100% groovy. Below is a video mom made to show you what a true "ritual" looks like. I don't think most people really get how specific and binding they are. Its a compilation of videos taking over several night of the first part of my 11 part bedtime ritual. Its the only part that doesn't directly involve mom, so its the only part she could tape. I have a number of rituals that I do throughout the day, and if they aren't done right I need to do them over and over until it feels ok...growing more and more anxious every moment until it is. Its scratching an itch...you don't stop until you got it.

So, check back next week to see how my school goes this week.

Peace
Nixi

Listen for "big hug" when I hug my doll and "look mommy, I swimming in the ocean..wheee"...also look for when I have to repeat something because I didn't say it the way I needed to or didn't touch something the way it needed to be touched.