Pretty good week as things go.  Preparing myself for the frustration of the second IEP meeting on the 6th and keeping busy looking at all of our options for the 20142015 school year, move, etc.

Safi had some good days and some rough days.  Seems that's just the way she goes for now.  Really looking forward to getting her back to the place she was before this school year, before summer even.  I know we can get there, its just going to be a process of repairing damaged trust and increasing her self esteem.  Essentially, the same stuff we had to do when she was 3 yrs old and finally pulled her out of the intensive ABA (applied behavioral analysis) program that literally nearly destroyed her.  Its going to be a lot of work but its totally do-able and I can't wait to get my kid back, I really miss her.  But her and her friend Sophia dressed up as twins for twin day at school and that ended the school week on a fun and special note.

Nix.  Oh, sweet little ever psychotic Pixie Nixi.  Nixi has a baseline level of psychosis, her "stable enough" state that includes hearing voices and having strange thoughts, etc. but its manageable.  For some reason this week started with her above baseline.  She was afraid to go into rooms in the house by herself (usually an indication that she's having visual hallucinations), then while taking sister to school she told me she saw  sheep at the park.  She was absolutely amazed, as that would be stunning.  It was the large white boulders that line the pond at the park, but they were "moving"(not in our reality) and she was never truly convinced that they weren't sheep. Command hallucinations telling her to "E-e-eat your doggies", brain telling her that they are going to take me to be their queen....and the worst, the dreaded paranoia.  She thought her school aid was mocking her, that her teachers "love" the other girl student but not her (despite the fact that the aid bring her daughter's hair clips and does Nixi's hair "fancy" nearly every day), at dance class lots of head down, crying, misinterpreting other's intentions as nefarious.  I had to drive back from dance class with one hand on the wheel and the other wrenched behind my seat to hold her hand because she completely fell apart, sobbing the whole way.  Considered increasing her meds again but after giving it a few days, bam, back to baseline.  That's wonderful, my only concern is that I was never able to identify an antecedent.  Perhaps there was none, and this is the natural waxing and waning of the illness.  That sucks.  Its another reminder that none of us has any control over this at all and that just sucks.  But she came back this time, so that's a great thing.  Trying not to focus on anything but that....which those of you who know me know that's a huge amount of smoke blowing out of my ass.  I spent a good part of the week researching treatment options, theories, all of the bullshit that I've already read and re-read dozens of times in absolute panic that this would be the new norm and she wouldn't come back...because that has happened in the past.  BUT, it didn't happen this time and I'm working on staying in the present and being thankful for today.

We had a great weekend celebrating Logan's 8th birthday with a camping themed party.  The moment the girls got home Safi went around the house like an interior designer explaining to me how we would transform the house into a princess castle for her birthday party.  I put Emily on it immediately as I blame her fully for creating these amazing Pinterest filled parties for her kids.  It was fun.

Early release all week, parent/teacher conference, and the IEP "Summit"....damn, being a grown up blows.  Shall be an interesting week.

Sarah