Summer school fun.....

Library pirate party.....

New MEGA pool float!

We're in the midst of a massive heat wave, literally and figuratively.  Temps have been 102 - 108 and still climbing.  Feels like we're in a pressure cooker.

We tried watching our friends John and Amanda's daughter, the girls' best bud, Sophia this week.  She came home early from up North and will get to be with us for summer school the rest of the summer.  This changed our normal routine and as I talked about last week, change just doesn't suit us at this time.  Safi remains much more amenable to change but Nixi is just left reeling.  While it was rough, brutal at times, there were some great moments.  So much so that tonight Safi decided to draw a picture.  She generally draws pictures of her family.  Tonight, "I'm gonna draw a picture of Safi, Nixi, Sophia, Mommy, and Daddy."  While she struggled to find her voice when it was just her, Nixi, and Sophia....Sophia is her family.  I am proud that she has learned through our incredibly strong and devoted friendships that family can be of the blood or of the heart.  We were a little too ambitious, hoping we could have her here 3 or 4 days a week.  That's okay.  We will still have Sophia on Thursdays and Fridays, our summer school days, and hopefully here and there when we can.  I am grateful that we have amazing friends who trust us with their most treasured little girl and understand how my most treasured girls function....and don't.  I have every belief that this summer will shape up to be an amazing learning experience for all of our girls.  And that's priceless.  That's the kind of real life experience and practice that no school, ABA, or therapist can offer.  These are the experiences that help shape my children's world perspective.  These are the experiences that round them out and make them better able to live in the neurotypical world we all take for granted.  This is, really, what its all about.

The downside, Nixi is really struggling.  During the week she was actively screaming, crying, and all around out of sorts.  The weekend was much better but her focus and attention are gone.  While she may not be screaming and losing control at the moment, she is in a world of her own.  When we need her to be in ours, she becomes irritated and mean.  Then she becomes profusely apologetic and remorseful, crying and clingy.  I'm calling UC Davis tomorrow to book and appointment for her in July.  We've got to figure out this med issue.  We've got to get something somewhat stable before school starts in August.

I went to see a psychiatrist for myself on Friday.  I'm always tired, far more irritable than I'd like to be, and just all around drained.  I went there thinking I'd be put on an antidepressant, though I know that I do not have many of the telltale markers of depression.  The guy was nice enough, somewhat cocky and a little annoying, but the content of what he said was sound even if his delivery made me want to tear into him. He's prescribed me Tranxene for anxiety.  He believes that my crappy sleep is leaving me "bankrupt" and that the girls are making withdrawals that I don't haev.  Makes sense.  I haven't had a normal, good, full night's sleep in over 6 years...since mid way through my pregnancy with Safi.  If the Tranxene does nothing to help and/or I start feeling depressed he'll take me off of it and put me on an antidepressant.  That seemed like a good plan to me until this morning.  I took my first dose on Friday night and slept horribly.  Usually I take melatonin and benadryl to get to sleep at night and I didn't take those, wanting to give the Tranxene a fair shot.  Sleep was miserable.  Last night I couldn't fall asleep and started to have a mini panic attack because I couldn't fall asleep so I increased my dose (as was ok'ed by the doc) and I got some rest.  This morning Nixi was reeling from the week's excitement.  By 9am I was feeling drained.  Unfortunately, that means how I'm feeling is likely situational and an antidepressant would not be of much help.  So, its possible that its the Tranxene or nothing.  The reality is, this is just the way our life is.  Elizabeth Kubler-Ross coined the "5 stages of grief" theory; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.  We all know that I was a little late to the "acceptance" party, perhaps I've still yet to make my RSVP.  More on that next week.

All in all it was an okay week.  We all made it through and that's what's important.  We got to take all of the kids to a pirate party at the library on Saturday and on Sunday we went out and got some cool pool toys.  Its horrifically hot and the 4th of July will be no exception.  Here's to a hot temps and cool heads for the coming week.

Sarah

Summer school balloon rockets.....

Pirate fun!