School's out for summer!!!!!

Intersting week, filled with lots of up's and down's...no big surprise there!

It was my last week of school...and my last week of classes with Teacher Jenn. While I'm still wrapping my brain around the whole thing, I definately understood that school was ending and it made me really sad. See, school is one of the only places where I can go and feel 100% great about myself. Nixi isnt there to steal the spotlight, mom isnt there hovering over me, and all of my friends and teachers think I'm pretty cool. I get to be myself, not a big sister or daughter...I just get to be Saf. Its my chance during the week to really shine. I'm not sure what summer is going to be like. Mom is putting together this summer school thing, but its just not going to be the same. Nixi and mom will be there...but maybe that'll be a good thing...a different but good thing. At least I still get to see some of my friends and stick to a routine I really love. We'll see. There's going to be about 14 kids...if everyone shows up. Lot's of opportunity to make some new friends, I guess. Hopefully when Tuesday rolls around and its our first day, both Nixi and I will be in a good space and ready for a new experience. I haven't even begun to process the fact that I'm not gonna have teacher Jenn as a teacher ever again. I can't bare to think of it..so I'm not gonna!

Nixi, Nixi, Nixi. That kid is M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E! She looked like she might be coming out of it but that was short lived. I think its going to be a slow climb out of the pit for this kid. When I cycle, one day I wake and everything is back to normal and good again...just like that. But Nix seems to be a little better than she's been in the past several weeks...so I think she's slowly on her way. After my school carnival she was the most overstimulated that she's ever been. She was screaming and freaking out so bad that I didn't even yell at her or try to hit her or kick her...I knew it was serious and just sat quietly trying not to make it any worse. She was fighting mom to get in and out of the car, kicking her and hitting her. She was shaking and just totally out of control. Both of us have been out of sorts since the carnival...but she really got the worst of it. Poor kid.

As always, the more out of control and labile Nixi is, the more controlling I become. My motor immitation (immitation of other's physical movements)and need to do things first has ramped up a gazillion notches. Example: if Nixi falls I scream, cry, and shout "Saf's turn fall" and I go to where Nixi was and replay her fall. Another example: if Nixi finishes her snack in the car first, I scream "I want empty" and I empty the contents of my snack bag into my mouth. This weekend I rammed so much food in my mouth that I started choking, but I kept pushing the food in. Mom had to pull over and empty my mouth with her hand. So, until things are back to normal mom says no snacks in the car. If Nixi turns direction in our play cars out front, I scream "No Nix" and have to get in front of her so its like it was my idea to change directions. If she doesn't comply, I hit her. Literally nearly every movement she makes I need to repeat and if that means I need to get her out of the way to do it, I do so by any means necessary. Needless to say, I've been spending a lot of time in my room "chilling out." What makes it even worse is that Nixi is really echolalic (repeating what people say after they say it), as well as socially clueless. So when I'm upset she repeats everything I say which makes me even more upset. No matter that I screaming at her and getting ready to hit her, she gets right up in my face and repeats everything I say and laughs. Because I say something like "NO!", and she ehos it back, and I say "NO!" again because I want her to stop...she thinks we're playing a game of back and forth and has no clue that its not a game or funny. So, at this point in time we're really bringing out the worst in each other. It sucks...but this too shall pass.

So, that's where we're at. CHAOS!!! Check back in next week to see how our first summer school days were...and to see if we've mellowed out at all!

xoxo
Saf


Last day of school carnival fun....


The day before the carnival...an example of what its like in our house at any given moment...


Platform fun...