Its so hard to believe that our babies wont stay babies forever. On Saturday Saf tuned 4. Unbelievable. Seems like just yesterday we were in the hospital holding her in our arms and dreaming of what was to come. Those 3 days we spent in the hospital after Saf's birth are some of our most cherished memories. Not a care in the world...just unparalleled joy. The birthday celebration at school went off without a hitch and Saf really enjoyed it. Her actual birthday was a lot of fun. She wanted to stay at home and play with all of her presents. We played pin the tail on the donkey, bounced in the bounce house, had our usual Saturday pizza dinner, and cupcakes. By the evening they were both pretty overstimulated, so a few meltdowns here and there. All in all, a great birthday celebration!
Birthdays are bitter-sweet. Its amazing to watch Saf grow into this amazing little human being...but its also scary. Scary because, as Saf grows older, a number of her challenges become more and more obvious to her peers and the public in general. She is still in diapers, and sometimes she smells like poop. When she does something small like bumping her head or tripping she throws herself to the ground screaming and crying. When she tries to do something like climb a rock wall that toddlers are climbing and she can't she screams and cries at the top of her lungs. When she gets excited she opens her mouth, does happy feet, and moves her hands and fingers in an odd fashion (check out her birthday video with her Mickey toy). These are just a few examples of things that are forgiven and looked over in a younger child. As Saf ages we are noticing more and more that people are "noticing" her more and more. She is such a sensitive little girl..she wants to be with people, she wants to have friends. If the distance that these challenges cause didn't bother her, they wouldn't bother us. We're so beyond caring when people stare...ok, so it still hurts, but only because we hurt for her. The problem is, she does care. She may not know why there is this distance, but she knows its there and it hurts her deeply. So, we have to make a priority list of things to hit really hard over the next year or so to make some of those challenges less obvious. As if the challenge of just socializing weren't enough. We have to remember we're on Saf time...all things will come when they're supposed to. Its just so hard to see these differences becoming more and more apparent.
Nixi had an interesting week. Still not wanting to go anywhere, but tolerating the fact that we have to. She's sleeping better with the weighted blanket, but still wakes a few times during the night and is up for good by 4am or 5am. I was talking to a mom of a kiddo in Saf's class, also on the spectrum, about Nix. I was trying to describe the girls' differences to no avail...and then it hit me. In a nutshell, Saf has the motivation but lacks the ability and Nixi has the ability but lacks the motivation. We don't really know what motivates Nixi. If you asked me what her favorite things are the only I could tell you is Dora. I couldn't tell you her favorite toy, food, song, activity, etc. When she wants to watch TV she wants to watch Dora, that's all I know. I know Saf wants to do what other kids can do, wants to play with others, wants to do what Mike and I can do, etc. That just isnt the case with Nixi. I talked with the BIA, Heather, and we're hoping that over the summer we can start to figure out what motivates her. Heather pointed out, there may only be a few things that end up motivating her, but then we'll work of expanding those areas. Its crazy to not know what your kid is "in to". Wild.
So, this week Saf will be dying Easter eggs and having an Easter egg hunt at school. This will be her first ever. Pretty exciting stuff. This is her last week, then she's off for a week of spring break. Teacher Jenn will be prepping the kids for the break, and we'll have it marked on the calender...but its still going to be a total bummer for Saf. Nixi's early intervention team will be on break, too...so a total break of our routine. Always a rough thing. I'm going to have to really plan out the week well if we're going to avoid daily meltdowns. I'm up for the challenge!
I want to take a minute to thank everyone for the calls, cards, and gifts for Saf's b-day. It always means so much to us to know how very much Saf is loved.
So, for now, that's it. Its late...it takes me at least an hour and a half to write the blog and download pictures and video...so forgive any typos. Mike and I only have 3 hours of downtime a day after the girls go to bed....so I'm gonna go get me some downtime!
Have a great week and make sure to check back next week!
Sarah
Saf's school celebration.........
Family b-day fun.......
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