Straight to the point because my brain is about to EXPLODE!!!!

Safi had a dicey week at school.  Her teacher is trying something new this year.  A reward system where children can earn fuzzy balls for following directions, being respectful, working quietly, doing their best, and trade them in on Fridays for silly coupons.  It is the most subjective, arbitrary system I have ever seen.  Nonetheless, last week Safi earned enough fuzzies for two coupons.  She picked "silly slippers" and "furry friend", so she was allowed to wear slippers in class one day and bring a small stuffed toy to sit on her desk for a day.  Safi chose to do both on Monday.  I pick her up and she runs to me and asks if she can wear silly slippers and bring her little unicorn another day during the week.  I say no, the coupon is for only one day.  Then, her teacher tells me that Safi was bummed because she was the only student who did her silly coupons that day and so she told her she could do it again on another day during the week.  NOOOOO!!!!
That kind gesture, and also self serving because it obviously got her out of dealing with a meltdown from Safi, changed the rules.  Not only did it make the system confusing to Safi, but it ran the risk of other kids resenting her because she got to do it twice.  So, I told the teacher absolutely not, called Safi over, and reiterated that coupons can only be used ONCE.  After Safi walked away I told the teacher that avoiding, say, a level 4 meltdown today sets her up to deal with a level 15 meltdown in the future when she wants the rules to bend again and you say no.

Now, when I pick the kids up from school I alwasy ask them what they're favorite part of the day.  Logan sasses me with a smart aleck reply but eventually gives in and tells me.  All this week Safi was saying recess.  That's weird.  Very weird.  She NEVER says recess because she loves math, reading, etc.  Major red flag.

Mid week Safi was having several small crying jags during class because she wasn't being called on first.  Teacher; "That's real typical of kids this age having a hard time taking turns and waiting their turns."  Me:  Tell me more about this fuzzy deal because its all she cares about and she's working as hard as possible to get them.  So, I don't think its trouble waiting turns...as that's never been a problem for Safi.  She's trying to earn those fuzzies"  Teacher gives me a small breakdown but not very detailed and the kids are restless.  We leave it at that but I know in my soul that the fuzzy are effectively killing Safi's joy of learning.  She can't relax because she needs to earn them.  Its all she can think about.  So much so that her only respite is the chaotic recess of hundreds of screaming kids.  The ship is sinking.

Friday Safi runs up to me, chipper and joyful....but her eyes are swollen and red.  I immediately know she's been crying and crying HARD.  Teacher tells me that Safi only had enough fuzzies for one coupon this week and that "she became really defiant and I had to become quite firm with her.  It lasted a good 10 minutes."  So, I ask her to specifically tell me what kids need to do to earn fuzzies.  I am horrified when I get the answer.

Completely abstract concepts and worse yet, the fuzzies are doled out totally subjectively and arbitrarily.
I told her as much and that this would be the bane of SAfi's existence for the whole year if we could not find a way to operationalize these concepts and give SAfi concrete ways of earning fuzzies.  See a theme here, Autism=Concrete.  I can say it over and over again but it never seems to sink in.  So, I asked that we take care of this before Monday and texted back and forth with her over the weekend.  This is the system she has come up with.....

Fine.  Dandy.  Swell.  I wrote it up and have shown it to Safi, she gets it, okay.  Safi will earn fuzzies for tasks completed.  But here's the real kicker.  Teacher tells me she's doing this only for SAfi (okay, cool, because wasn't that who we're talking about?!) because the fuzzies are not for task but rather are for behavior and class management.  Then she goes on to say "And Safi has no problem there, she does what she supposed to and does not have those problems."  Awesome.  THEN WHY DIDN'T SHE HAVE ENOUGH FUZZIES FOR TWO COUPONS ON FRIDAY?!?!?  Because its subjective, arbitrary as hell, and just plain ineffective.  Unfortunately, third week in to school and I had to throw the bitch swith on and try to explain to Teacher that this system is INSANE.  Luckily, my cheek hing up on her and by the time we got back on the phone she forgot where we left off and I just went straight to discussing the days of the week.

Fingers, eyes, toes crossed that this helps because Safi had to massive meltdowns over the weekend.  Old school, 3 year old Safi meltdowns.  During the end of the last one I asked her if school was hard or easy.  "Hard"  Because of math, kids, reading?  "Fuzzies".  Hey fuzzies, I hate you.

Nixi had a decent week.  She's doing great at school, a mess after.  Her medication makes her body tell her she's hungry all the time so she has numerous mini meltdowns daily over not being able to eat.  Its getting worse, harder and harder to distract her and keep her distracted before she begs for food, in tears.  I'm monitoring her intake, timing how long in between snacks...but I noticed the other day that her cheeks are slightly fuller.  She's gaining some weight.  Her psychiatrist is going to send out a lab slip so we can do a metabolic panel and glucose test.  She is as stable as she is going to be for now.  She remains psychotic, hearing voices, at times delusional, seeing things, strange thoughts...but she is coping better than before and her thinking is less disorganized.  That's the best we can do at this point.

Spent the weekend with Emily and the kids, adding Amanda and Sophia into the mix on Sunday.  Barring a massive meltdown by both girls at Emily's house on Saturday and a few mini melts from Nixi at the park today...we had a really full and fun weekend.  The girls suckered Mike into taking them to Apple Annie's (horrid food) on Friday night and they were pleased as can be.  So, we'll see what this week brings and just keep truckin' on.

Sarah

I'll get right down to business.  Nixi had a great first week of school!

The first day went off without a hitch...with the exception of the difficulty of mid day preschool.  The wait just kills her.  So I need to provide 4 hrs of straight engagement and stimulation to keep her in the right state of mind to even get there...but get there she did.  On the ride home she was very disorganized and confused, but happy.  Second day much the same as the first.  Third day, she woke up a psychotic mess.  She was just absolutely off her rocker psychotic.  It was a rough start to Safi's day, but its our reality and we moved on.  Both girls had good days and Nixi returned to me every bit as psychotic as she left me.  The rest of Wednesday was just a whir of hallucinations, delusions, crying, happy, screaming, confused, delighted, a roller coaster.  Then Thursday...right as rain.  As stable as she's ever been since this illness took hold and refused to let go.

Safi is still doing wonderfully in school and she loving every minute of it.  At home she tries so hard to appease and entertain her sister.  She tries everything possible to make Nixi's world right, even to the point of scolding me if she believes that I am making Nixi's world wrong.  Delightful and sweet, but clearly consequence worthy.  And she takes consequences like a champ.  She's trying new foods, enjoys asking Logan what he did in school when we drive to the park every day after school.  And she even told me the other night, when offered a bite of my meal, "No, but thank you.  When I'm am adult I'll eat that, okay?"  Its mind blowing how well she is doing on the low dose of Zoloft.  I also ran into a mom of one of Safi's classmates from last year who said her daughter was sad because she wasn't in class with Safi this year "because Safi is so smart and fun."  That's the impression of a neurotypical kid BEFORE Safi was even on the Zoloft.  Made my heart burst a seam!  Its also mind blowing to be suddenly raising a sort of neurotypical kid.  She is much bolder, much sassier, much more independent and down right jerky. She truly is my kid!!  While it can be shocking, and at times annoying, its so unbelievably cool that I cannot put it into words.

The circus was amazing!

The girls did wonderfully.  All of the kids did wonderfully...it was Africa hot, they wined a little, sweated a ton, but no meltdowns from anyone and everyone left with huge smiles!  Nixi had what I like to call a mental health moment in the portable loo.  The flies creeped her out and then there was a tiny spider.  She proceeded to begin shaking and climbed up my body like a koala bear.  I whacked the spider but by then every piece of dirt was a bug and she needed to leave without going potty.  Had to put a diaper on her because her meds make it difficult for her regulate her body temperature and it was HOT in that tent.  We were pumping water into her as her face turned fuchsia.  She was heartbroken for a minute, saying "But I'm a big girl."  Emily quickly assured her that she was still a big girl and that was good enough for her.  Amanda took charge of hydrating and distracting her when need be.  But on a whole, other than the bathroom incident, she did wonderfully.  Safi was absolutely mesmerized, as the video will show....happy feet, flappy as hell, mouth wide open.  It was beautiful.  We all enjoyed the show and when it was time to go, and an hour and a half past her normal med time because I didn't want her sleepy during the show, it was game on.  As I waved goodbye to Amanda and Sophia and hugged Emily I yelled in my best American Crown Circus ringmaster voice, "Ella es psicotica!"....or, she is psychotic!  And boy was she ever.  It was kind of a happy psychosis...the ripples before the great white emerges.  Within 5 minutes of being home the great white showed its teeth...literally.  She bit her sister and went into a hysterical "I want my mommy, I miss my mommy" jag, even though she was curled up into a ball in my lap.  She needed to go into another room with me to calm down but after about 25 minutes she was ready to feed her guinea pigs and rats and read a story before bed.  25 minutes of hell for nearly 3 hours out the house fun....totally, completely worth it.  And when she woke up this morning happy as a lark and excited as hell to tell her school friends about going to the circus...confirmation.  She knew her limits today, saying she wanted to go home right after dropping Safi off at school instead of hanging for a bit for our regular chat time with Amanda.  She had a good day at school...and its been touch and go since.  There is a new delusion brewing that I'll talk about next blog.  For tonight I want to leave things on a great note.

Sarah

*Side note:  We lost all power for the most part county side due to a substation catching fire last night so the blog had to wait....again!  Spent the night spraying my sleeping Nix with a water bottle to keep her cool due to her meds making it difficult for her to regulate her body temperature.  Luckily, by a quarter to two power was restored, spray bottle put away, and the girls none the wiser!

Circus extravaganza!!

Man, what a week.

Safi started first grade and it went WONDERFULLY!  She loves her teacher, is making new friends and enjoying seeing her old ones, and she tells me all about it!  We have her taking the 3/4 of a pill of the Zoloft and its working beautifully.  Quality of speech is back to "wow you" levels, and her coping is terrific.  She told me all about playing on the playground, the class rules, the reward system....beyond dreamy.  She is exactly where she should be and it is amazing to watch.  After the first day she was so wound up and excited that I knew she'd have to blow off all of the adrenaline and emotions some how.  Indeed, she did.  She got herself stuck on a climbing wall at the park.  I helped her down. She did it again and I told her she needed to figure out how to get down herself.  She proceeded to scream that I was a terrible mother and that she was going to smack me in the face.  Yeah, sure thing kiddo, once you get off that climbing rock by yourself you give it a try and see how well that works out for you. She needed to get it all out, all of the feelings, and that was okay.  Did I like the method, no, but that's never been up to me.  Only Safi knows how to scratch her itch.   Much screaming and crying...but she made it off the rock.  I gave her a high five and said that I expected an apology..."I'm sorry" would have been sufficient in my mind.  What I got was amazing...."Mom, I'm sorry.  I'll never say I'll smack you in the face again."  Rest of the day, the following school day, and the weekend have been top notch.  Safi is hitting her stride.  Watch out world.

Nixi.  What to say about Nixi.  I took her Thursday to visit her classroom and teacher for a dry run of sorts and so that I could take pictures for her slide show.  Started bad with the regular parking lot being closed.  We had to enter the school from the front which we had never done the two years that Safi went there.  In the car she was rocking our to the Rolling Stones "Shattered", but I could tell she was nervous because she was rhythmically kicking the hell out of the back of my seat along with the beat.  She remembered which classroom was Teacher Mel's and she was delighted to get to open the door and let herself in.  I was surprised to see strangers.  A new aid, Teacher Candy, and a new preschool school psychologist.  Much to my relief, the new school psych is lovely, young, interested, eager to learn, and seems genuinely invested in Nixi.  Massive relief.  Nixi played, reacquainting herself with the glory that is Mel's room.  She prepared a lunch for Horsia (her mom hair horse), and flitted around the classroom as Mel, Tessa (the pysch), and I spoke.  She lasted a good 30 min then crash and burn.  I could tell that she was hallucinating, Mel could, too.  It was obvious that she was seeing things and she asked to go out of the classroom and play on the playground.  Once out there she saw a bug and it was downhill from there.  Man, she talked about that bug well into the night...and not in a good way.  On the ride home I asked her if I could ask her a question and if she would tell me the truth.  She said she would.  I asked her if she was seeing anything in Teacher Mel's classroom.  "Yes, monsters."  I asked if they were scary.  "No too much."  She was off and running on a complete psychotic bender for the remainder of the day.  Not that she was stable to begin with, we're still not there yet, but hugely worse.  Meltdown at Safi's school with pick up because it was too crowded, delusional, just generally really unwell.  Then Friday she had a good day.  It was like her psychosis reaching maximum capacity the following day had scratched her itch.  She had a lovely day running errands with me and played the whole time in the fountains with Sophia and Emily's kids after picking Safi up from school.  She had a good night, too.

Now, because I cannot leave well enough alone...I didn't.  Let me preface this by saying that most adults who's illness is well managed by meds routinely increase their meds a few days before a potentially stressful event and until the event is over.  So, Saturday rolled around and it was time for the next Risperdal increase, if needed.  Based on what I stated above, the fact that she only had one good day (Friday) and is still not stable, and with school starting on Monday I gave her the additional .125mg in the morning.  While I'm still not thinking akathisia, man was it a gnarly afternoon.  She just doesn't seem to do well with Risperdal during the day.  It hits its peak dose within a few hours, the most likely time for side effects, then the steady state is maintained for about 20 hr.  Its all terribly detailed and confusing.  I wont bore you or confuse you with it all.  But what I think it means for Nixi is that she needs to hit that peak state while she's asleep.  If she hits it during waking hours she's a mess.  The girls wanted to fly kites.  Excellent day for it.  Took them to buy kites and Safi brought an extra she had never used.  They picked their kites and we were off.  Once at the park I began  assembling the kites and the one Nixi chose was broken out of the package.  Bad start.  Safi offered her the kite she had gotten from the Easter bunny.  Very sweet, and only semi appeasing.  The girls were off and running, literally...there wasn't a ton of wind.

Then, literally at the moment I stopped videoing....CRASH AND BURN!  Nixi's kite wasn't as high as Safi, she was thirsty, she needed to eat (The Risperdal is making her feel insatiable hunger all of the time.  Try telling a 4 yr old who's body says she needs to eat that she just simply can't.  Hard to tell what's worse, the hunger meltdowns or the psychosis the meds are supposed to be treating.)  Nothing was right in Nixi's world and she completely fell apart, reduced to a screaming, crying mess of a little thing.  Raging that I am a terrible mommy, then hysterically crying that she needs me.  It was horrible.  We went home...because you cry and scream at the park you go car, go home, go bedroom or chair.  And she did, crying the whole while.  It was sad.  It was her illness...but it was also the medication that I chose to give her that contributed to this total meltdown.  Did I do the right thing?  Why didn't I trust my gut and give her the increase with her nightly dose, despite the psychiatrist telling me to rotate the increases AM, PM, AM, PM, etc?  Why are we doing this to her at all?!  We have never seen an improvement beyond the gains we saw at the .25mg dose, which was total obliteration of her disorganized thinking/speech...no small gain by any means...better attention, focus, and coping.  But there's a reason we've been trying to increase.  Initially it was to see if we could get to her hallucinations and delusions.  Not obliterate them, though that would have been lovely, but at least keep them from prompting her to hide a knife under her pillow.  Most recently because she has gotten worse in all areas, and the disorganized thinking has crept back in.  How much do we keep throwing at her in hopes that she will go back to the level of functioning she was at with .25mg.  Do you see how ludicrous that all is.  I'm trying to get her back to where she was in April on her .25mg starting dose by upping her meds to a total of .625mg now.  What the hell are we doing here?!

I'll talk with the psychiatrist on Monday, but I think I'm calling it a day and we're staying at the .625mg for awhile.  At this point it will be nearly impossible to tell why she's not stable...could be the wrong med, could be the transition to school, could be Safi back at school, change in park routine, could be progression of the illness, could be anything.  I'm not taking her up the 1mg because I just don't think we have enough valid data to justify going there yet.  I need a metabolic panel to check her liver, kidneys, etc. and a glucose screen to check for hyperglycemia.  I need to see what we are doing to her.  Agreed, she is at a point where we need to put her mind before her body...but we can't ignore her body, either.  I'm getting closer and closer to letting go of the Risperdal dream.  It just may not be the med she needs at this time.  Its all just really overwhelming. Overwhelming doesn't even cut it, its just plain evil to have to make these decisions for a 4 yr old.  Fuck schizophrenia and the meds that come along with it.  Its all a crock of shit.

End of rant.  I alluded last week that I would be going into my thoughts on homeschooling and modified school schedules this week.  I can't even go there today.  I'll address that next week when I have the mental energy...and Nixi's had her first week of school.  Who knows, could change my perspective completely.

So, be thinking of the Nix this week as she starts a new chapter with Teacher Mel.  Safi will begin the more stable school schedule, as this last week was a get to know the rules and friends kind of deal.  And, no matter where we are at the end of this coming week...psychotic as hell, stable, whatever...as long as no one is rocking back and forth in a fetal position in the corner of a room my kids are going to the circus!  Yep, you read that right.  The circus is in town and and this time we're doing it!  Emily is on board with her kids, Amanda's down for bringing Sophia...GAME ON!  We could hide in our house, insulate ourselves from the world for fear that anything and everything could tip the scales and send us tumbling uncontrollably down the rabbit hole....or we can live.  My kids are kids first.  Their diagnoses and challenges are a huge part of who they are but by no means the sum of the whole.  They've always wanted to go to the circus.  I've learned that in my house, and in life, there's never a "perfect time" and often not even a "good time" for new, potentially exciting and simultaneously terrifying experiences.  We can choose to stand on the edge of the cliff and stare into oblivion with fear and trepidation, or we can trust all of the supports that we have in place, hope for the best, and repel.  Next Sunday, my friends, we choose to repel!  We choose to LIVE!  Wish us luck!!

Sarah

New backpacks..........

Salt painting.....

I'll make this entry as brief as possible, as I have a good deal of prep to do for a meeting with Safi's new teacher tomorrow.

After a good week for Safi on the Zoloft we increased her dosage from 12.5 mg to a whole pill, 25 mg.  Monday can only be described as the day that rainbow unicorns danced on clouds made of cotton candy and marshmallow fluff.  It was freaking unbelievable.  In the morning Nixi put her through the paces, they were playing a game with their shoes...shoes were cars, tiny animal figurines were racing in them.  When it came time to clean up so that we could get ready to meet friends at the water fountains absolutely NOTHING could be right for Nixi.  She needed to put certain shoes away, Safi would say to her "Let's do teamwork, you can do one and I can do one."...that wasn't good enough..."Ok, you can put them both away and I'll put away these ones."....nope, now that was a problem..."If we do teamwork we can each do some, which ones do you want to do?"...back and forth, this and that, nothing was going to make it good...."UGH!  Ok, you just put away the ones you want and I'll do the rest."  Then she cheered Nixi on, telling her what a great job she was doing.  RAINBOW UNICORN!!  We met up with her friend Sophia and Emily's kids at the fountains.  Safi ran around, hand in hand, with Sophia laughing and having a wonderful time.  When things got dicey for a moment and it looked like she was going to crumble she put her head down, composed herself, and went her own way with a huge smile and continued to play until she could find a way to reengage with her friends.  COTTON CANDY, MARSHMALLOW FLUFF CLOUDS!  It was just unbelievable.  Breathtaking.  Not only tremendous increase in coping skills and adaptability, but massive leaps in the quality of her speech.

By Monday night I started noticing that she was pretty amped up.  She was still happy, coping well, but a little too intense, too rough, and way to fast.  She looked very ADHD, which is not the norm for Safi.  She woke up the next day, full pill, and again...too loud, too fast, disinhibited, extremely poor impulse control.  By Tuesday night, some behavioral issues....taking things too far in the name of fun, "poking the bear" with sister, typically developing kid stuff but on steroids.  She also had trouble sleeping and wet her bed during tablet time during the afternoon.  She woke early on Wednesday but gave her a full pill just to say we gave it a fair chance, but it was clear that 25 mg is just too high a dose for her.  She was still off the hook, being a smart aleck, and just generally being a butt...but still extremely social and anxiety reduced.  Poor kid also had another "accident", as Zoloft can cause urinary incontinence in children.  I called the psychiatrist and told him what was up and that I wanted to bring her back down to the 12.5mg.  He agreed.  On Thursday I had told the girls we would go to the water fountains.  Safi said to me,verbatim, "Mom, can I stay hom?  I'm sick of the fountains and I don't feel like going today."!!!!   As I  was texting to cancel the fountains with her friend Sophia's dad I heard Nixi yell.  Before I could open the patio door to see what had happened, Safi gave herself a time out for being not so nice to sister!  Temple Grandin, arguably one of the most famous "Autistics", found in her research of the use of SSRI's in folks living with Autism that because they appear to be extremely sensitive to medications they often need on 1/2 to 1/4 of what would be considered "therapeutic dose" for neurotypicals.  She also states that at the first sign of early morning wakening or insomnia to pull back to a lower dose.  Certainly appeared to bear true for Safi.  So, the medication has a half life of 24 hr, meaning in 24 hr after taking a 25mg dose you will have 12.5mg in your system.  So, Safi wont truly be back down to 12.5mg for about a week from the last 25mg pill....which lands squarely on the first day of school.  We have noticed her slowly coming down in energy over the weekend.  Impulse control much better, sleeping fine, no more "accidents", etc.  With that we have also noticed some of her exceptionally complete sentences becoming slightly fragmented again.  We have a psychiatry appointment tomorrow and I'm going to ask if after a month or so we are still seeing that decrease in the really great speech quality improvement if we can perhaps increase to 18.75mg (3/4 of a pill).  But we'll give it the full 6-8 weeks to see first.  

While Monday at the fountains was magical for Safi, not so much for the Nix.  She was ok until more kids started arriving, at which point she straddled my lap and shut down.  Periods of crying or screaming if I moved "wrong" or didn't have what item she felt would make the world right again.  From that day forward we have spent the week primarily at home or running errands and she seems to be able to tolerate that just fine and has had a pretty good week....I would even dare say the girls and I had a few stellar days by anyone's account!  She's still Nixi, and she still has schizophrenia, but her level of functioning and happiness is just better when she's at home or in the community with purpose and no social pressure.  I can understand now why many of the parents in my online support group homeschool or do severely modified school schedules, like 2 hr of "regular class", and hour in "special day class", then home.  More on this topic next week.  While it is a relief to see her have a somewhat better week, it is a bone jarring reality that she starts school August 12th and she may not be able to handle it.  I attempted to take her to a walk in clinic on Saturday to have a rash looked at while Safi was out doing things with dad.  Her anxiety level immediately increased and with that, her symptoms.  She wasn't sure if I was her mom, calling for me but then unable to answer if I was her mom when I asked.  She physically had a hard time making her body get out of the car.  We checked in and within a few minutes I chose to abort the mission.  It was obvious that she was not going to let the guy near her and I wasn't going to put her through that for a rash so we bid them a-do and headed home.  Her psychiatrist and I have been emailing back and forth all week to get this med change hammered out as its relatively complex and I have no desire to blow it and he's still out of the state.  I won't get into detail on titrating and such but we went with the addition of Cogentin and increase of Risperdal.  All week she's been getting the Cogentin with no Risperdal increase.  She appears to be tolerating the Cogentin wonderfully.  I have noted no side effects.  Last night was her first Risperdal increase by .125mg.  So she is now on a total of .50mg Risperdal and the original Cogentin dose of .5mg is now is split into two doses, am and pm, of .25mg.  After taking the Risperdal increase and the split dose of Cogentin and the 1mg of melatonin she has lawyas taken, she fell asleep during the second TV show before bed.  That has never happened so it was clearly med related and I'm thinking of cutting her melatonin back to .5mg.  A couple of hours after her morning dose of Cogentin she was yawning and by noon she was crabby and looking tired.  At this point we just wait and see.  She had two little crying jags as of this writing (2:45pm) and I'm inclined to think that this is more her body adjusting to the med changes as a whole, making her a little tired, etc. than to jump straight to akathisia...as that was much more extreme and immediately apparent.  But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't holding my breath.  Well, now its evening and despite a decent day, we were not able to escape slamming face first into the medication brick wall.  I think its just a matter of her body adjusting to the changes, I'm not heading for the phone just yet but it was a big meltdown.  Again, leaving her a weeping ball in my lap begging for her mom, confused, and not ok.  She started experiencing some paranoia while doing a craft, not wanting anyone to look at it, etc.  She also has this thing over the past few days where she tells Safi numerous times a day not to say the words "very own", regardless of whether she's saying them or not.  So, seems like the voices or the monsters have a hand in that annoyance.  Either way, it irritates to the point of becoming irrationally angered.  Safi, left confused and bewildered.  Meltdown ended, Safi was able to tell her how beautiful her craft was and life moves on.

Making back to school slide shows, meeting with Safi's new teacher tomorrow, and needing to schedule a meeting with Nixi's teacher.  Its back to school, baby.  Excited, anxious, scared, nauseous...me, that is.  The girls, at least Safi for sure, are PUMPED!!!  And that is WONDERFUL!  Be thinking of the Safi girl on Thursday morning when she puts on her special first day duds and gets ready to OWN the first grade!  

Sarah

This is what Schizophrenia and Autism looks like...salt painting!